Verbal Abuse

Christmas is behind us and a new year has begun.  I sincerely hope everyone had a very special Christmas.  Holidays are a great time to spend with family and friends.  The topic I want to spend some time on today is "Verbal Abuse".

The picture I'm going to paint is not a pretty one.  Verbal abuse is one of the most difficult things one will ever have to deal with.  It cuts through your heart, right down to the core and kills your very soul.  Anyone who has ever been in a verbally abusive situation can relate to the feelings of helplessness that lies within the heart of one who is being verbally abused.  Everything is always "your fault", never the "abuser's fault", that is, according to the abuser's way of looking at it.  They will turn everything around that you say, so much so that the entire meaning of what you said has been lost and now the abuser has a new meaning for your spoken words.   

One can sit on the sidelines and never know what is taking place behind closed doors in an abusive marriage.  Usually, the verbally abused will keep hoping that the situation will change, somehow the abuser will stop the abuse, but it doesn't happen, not in a million years.  If you are married to an abuser, chances are you are trapped, unless you make up your mind to get out of the situation.  Run, don't walk.

There were probably subtle hints of verbal abuse before the marriage vows, but you're so in love that you tend to overlook the warning signals.   With those subtle hints that you refuse to call abuse, you tend to accept the occasional apologies, the outbursts of anger, the name-calling, the words than can never be forgotten or taken back.  You tend to overlook those little warning signs and perhaps chalk it up to stress, undue duress, something going wrong at work, etc.   Strange thing is with my experience, and I'm speaking solely from what I know to be true in a specific situation, is that I can promise you that the abuser will only get worse in their abusive nature with time.  Once an abuser, always an abuser.  Beware of anyone who displays even a slight hint of verbally abusive traits in a relationship.  The verbal abuser will send you into a pit that encompasses your very soul, where it is difficult to find your way to true peace and contentment. 

I actually believe that most verbal abusers grew up with verbal abuse in the home, therefore it was instilled in them all thru their childhood, and they grew up believing it is o.k. to talk down to a spouse, call them names, make them feel like nothing.  

So that's my take on verbal abuse.  May all your days be happy ones!